Uncle Matty's Halloween

Hi. I'm Uncle Matty. I hope you enjoy this collection of jokes, bits & anecdotes from Halloween. But, don't worry, it's not scary. Unless you're afraid of bad comedy. Guess that's a chance you'll just have to take, I'm afraid. But, nothing scares me. I have prepared for Halloween my whole adult life. Each month, I open a student loan bill. Now, I'm living with my big brother, Greg, and his family. I make a modest income producing online videos, and I'm building my own tiny house-trailer in Greg's garage. Unfortunately, my big brother doesn't take me very seriously, though. He's a self-help Guru and wants to make me a case study for his next book. He says, "If I can turn your life around, I can do it for anybody." Lucky for me, we only see him on the weekends. He spends most of his time on the road teaching seminars and promoting his book, 'Pull Your Head Out ' It's got a picture of an ostrich on the cover. It must sell pretty well because he seems pretty well off. He lives in an upscale neighborhood, owns a big, beautiful house, and is never home. It's a happy home, though. I'm happy, Greg's happy, and his wife, Cathy, is a Market Research Analyst. I think she's just happy to have someone who can help out around the house. So, even though I've become a live-in babysitter, I'm really just Uncle Matty to the kids. Hailey is fourteen, going on Gothic, and Jacob is a twelve-year-old technocrat. Just another happy suburban family, living in the third house on the cul-de-sac.