This Side of Alcohol

How grey area drinking kept me trapped...

"Gray area drinking" refers to a level of alcohol consumption that falls between moderate and risky drinking. Gray area drinking can describe people who misuse alcohol or struggle to control their alcohol consumption but do not fulfill criteria for an alcohol use disorder, or alcohol addiction.

"Peggi, you are done, and you will be okay."

These are the words I heard in my heart as I fell to my knees in my bedroom on July 12, 2019, committed to declaring for the last time "This is the first day of my alcohol-free life."

One day prior, a drinking incident following a family reunion was the final straw for my husband and daughter. My husband walked away from the mess that was our marriage due to my drinking. This was followed in rapid sequence by my daughter warning me that I wouldn't be able to have the kind of relationship I wanted with her family - and especially with my grandchildren - if I didn't do something about my drinking.

This Side of Alcohol is borne out of the cathartic journaling I did during the first two years following my break-up with alcohol. It tells the story of what I did to get and stay sober, allowing me to transform my shame, guilt, and anger into self-compassion, self-discovery, and forgiveness - of myself and others. From self-loathing isolation to a joyous community of support and rediscovered intimacy with my family. From living my life engulfed in cognitive dissonance (teaching about the connection between trauma and addiction while I was drinking every evening) to the pride I feel today in being present and authentic in every aspect of my work and life.

This Side of Alcohol is my story of living my sobriety out loud, telling the truth, and being at peace.