The Self, Lost and Found

Restoring the sense of self after trauma.

When children are safe and loved, they are able to become. When children are not safe and not loved, their stress and distress are not attended to, they live in a state of high alert. They develop a coping self, hiding the injured child. This book attempts to answer the question How could the sense of self that abuse shattered, or neglect failed to establish, be restored? 

Drawing on her experiences as a counsellor, her study of trauma and recovery, neurobiology and child development, Mary has documented what she has learnt about the self and how it can be restored. Her own healing was done in the context of a spiritual journey. She has brought that journey together with her understanding of trauma. To illustrate what she has learnt about the Self, Mary weaves her own story through the book. It was written for those for whom conservative Christianity no longer fits, but for whom a relationship with God and a spiritual path is important. It is written for those who have experienced childhood trauma and those who support them. May it bless and encourage.

"This extraordinary book is written from the heart but informed by vast expertise in trauma counselling and lived experience of a complicated life of trauma. In these pages was an explanation of human life, its trauma, what we do to survive and how we can heal. I have never read a book that taught me so much about myself and had me recognise my own life and story on every page. It is written with such openness that you have no choice but to open yourself to what lies within. A voyage deep into the human heart and soul, a tapestry so intimate and intricate it draws together all the things you think you might have known but have not been able to put together. Until now." Grateful reader.

 "A courageous, compassionate, reflective and insightful journey of hurt and healing, underpinned by solid principles and strategies gained over many years of real-world practice. An authentic voice for self-empowerment." Tony Evers Community Mental Health Educator and Mentor.