The Pilot & The Pig

You will, dear reader, enjoy these stories, largely due to my Uncle Freddie who changed my view of the world and set me free. Thanks to Freddie Dean, who saved the Titanic the First Time, I know not any distinction between truth and fantasy. There are those who claim my stories are made up and never happened, which shocks me beyond belief. Shocked and horrified, I stand accused of persiflage. In my own defence, may I ask you to consider the world into which I was thrust on a cold December morning. Apart from a loving family there was nothing; no radio, no television, no telephone, no storyteller as one might find in an Indian village. The streets were bare of advertising, but for a Cadbury poster pretending to pour a pint and a half of milk into every bar. The town was dying, the skies were grey, the rain smelt of soot and the fall of a loose roof slate destroying a Granny's hat the only excitement. Sitting among my restless classmates, I listened to the recitation of the Ten Commandments and had a Eureka moment. I didn't cry out, but asked the teacher to repeat the Commandments. She was pleased at my diligence and did so. I found I was correct. There was no Commandment against lying. You had to speak up in Court, but that seemed most reasonable. That Archimedean discovery changed my life. I had my Uncle Freddie to bewitch me with stories and a clear conscience. A good story is always true. I rest my case.