The Great British Limerick Book

Surely it can't be done. But it has been done. For the first time in the history of mankind someone has been dedicated enough and fool enough to write a filthy limerick for every town in the UK which unlike Leeds or Devizes doesn't already have a classic filthy limerick to call its own. From Land's End to John o' Groats, The Great British Limerick Book has a filthy limerick for your town, for your uncle's town, for your cousin's husband's ex-wife's town .... as long as it's in the UK and as long as it isn't one of those few places that are really impossible to find a rhyme for. There are over 900 limericks in the book. A lot of them are hilarious. Most of them are very funny. All of them are filthy. Guildford, Surrey At McDonald's in Guildford in Surrey

I spilt coffee on my crotch in a scurry

I had to act quick

To cool down my dick

So I stuck it into my McFlurry Nuneaton, Warwickshire There was a young man from Nuneaton

Who really enjoyed being beaten

And squeezing his knackers

With a pair of nut crackers

And riding a bike with no seat on Bath, Somerset There was a professor from Bath

Who employed twenty-five research staff

To measure size and direction

Of his every erection

And to plot the results on a graph The Isle of Skye, Scotland When I was on the Isle of Skye

I overdid the old Spanish fly

I had a stiff member

From the fourth of December

Till Friday the tenth of July Ashington, Northumberland In Ashington there was a miner

Whose wife was a fashion designer

One night to his shock

She dressed him up as a cock

And herself as a six foot vagina Hackney, Greater London As a chemist I worked once in Hackney

And invented a treatment for acne

But one ingredi-ent

Was semen I'd spent

And they thought that good reason to sack me