The Face of Depression

This is the story of my life living with chronic suicidal depression and the journey I traveled to find health with TMS, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation. It is the account of having a successful career in spite of debilitating depression sometimes working in the public eye on as many as 5 medications at a time. It is the story of someone who was given what most would think is everything in life to live successfully and the self-hate that developed in spite of the education and privilege afforded her.

It is also an in-depth description of what it feels like to live in the "black hole." I describe the black hole as a state in which there is no hope, no emotion (other than fear and anxiety), no interest, and no ability to function in the world, even in the simplest ways.

I describe the changes I went through as I had TMS treatments and what they have allowed me to do. The in-depth description of this new FDA-approved treatment gives the reader the ability to actually understand the changes and feelings of well-being that begin to evolve as I had more and more treatments. It also touches on the fact that I have been on a maintenance program of TMS which few people have chosen to do and how effective that program is for me.

Finally, it is a cry to tell one's story as a major part of healing instead of hiding in shame from the incorrect perception that depression still has the stigma that it had 40 years ago. It is a plea to encourage others to seek treatment and to talk about mental illness.