The 4 Dilemmas of Amy Maxwell

Today is my fortieth birthday. According to my social media feed, today should be filled with breakfast-in-bed, three-foot shiny balloons, and gifts. Instead of gifts, I got dilemmas. Four dilemmas to be exact.

Dilemma number one: How to deal with those bittersweet and melancholy feelings of my oldest child graduating high school and going off to college...while navigating the endless paperwork and trying not to have a heart attack at the price tag.

Dilemma number two: How to deal with my little sister marrying my own knight-in-shining-armor Jason Collins...in my backyard, turning my life upside down in more ways than one.

Dilemma number three: How to deal with the bachelorette party from hell that I planned, which not only turns out to be more risque than I anticipated but leaves one guest dead.

Dilemma number four: How to deal with being trapped in a murderer's closet with my elderly mother and a shelf full of pointy shoes precariously hanging over my head.

Can I escape before the killer discovers me and I end up with dilemma number five...how to plan my funeral when I'm already dead?