Stuporwoman Files

Newspaper humor columnist, public speaker, and playwright Monica Lewis' laugh-out-loud observations on motherhood, relationships, balancing work and family, and the quirks of everyday life, hit home on every page. On knowing you're too old to have a baby: 'You know you're too old when, to you, a period is just something that goes at the end of a sentence.'On the irony of giving your kids a time-out: 'Most parents would love the luxury of taking an hour to just sit in our rooms. Hell, I'd even sit in the corner if it meant a moment or two of peace and quiet.'On helping your child with math homework: 'I'm hopeless at math. For me, Cardinal Numbers are the amount of red birds on the tree outside my bedroom window.'On Santa Claus: 'If Santa was a man, everyone in the universe would wake up Christmas morning to find a rotating musical Chia Pet under the tree, still in the store bag.'On Not Cleaning the Refrigerator: 'If food were human, I'd be considered a slumlord.'