Steal This Comedy Book for Your Comedy Sets (16th Joke Book)

I wrote this book for you to use in your Comedy Act: Stand Up/Improvisation: do as you will: I'm not going to say anything. Why do some people make so much noise when having sex? I once caught myself moaning to a Donna Summer song and then promptly stopped: I was jerking off in my Ice Castle in the middle of winter SEX ADDICTION = Left my dignity behind long ago. Now I live for loads. On All fours. All day. Every day. Welcome to Mental Retardation Land (No Offense Taken): everybody's mentally retarded to some degree or other as there are things that simply should not be attempted by anybody unless that is their DREAM Mavericks' Fuck 'N Suck, how may I help you? Koala Bear = that's the name of my girlfriend. I know, I know. She looks like a Koala Bear and she loves bear back sex. Baby Changing Station: something that I avoid as I don't have any babies 1-800-4-A-POTTY 1-800-4-BLOW Bo Great Blow Job = anybody like sucking on big things tonight?Kitty Kats = anybody like scarring kitty kats? Oprah Winfrey = HARPO Productions = for a while I thought Oprah was going to turn into a whale. Then she was in the media AGAIN running to lose that weight. You know when you have a lot of money you can afford to eat where you like and what you like and that's what makes you get FATTER. Roseanne Barre = LOUD MOUTH Tom Arnold = Reminds me of a pig Sylvester the Cat: he's always getting into trouble w/ grandma catching him trying to eat Tweedy Bird Tweedy Bird: he's such a big yellow bird with a big yellow head. What's up with that THE Portland Police Department: the reason they have such a tough job to do is because they're having to deal with the same situations over and over and over AGAIN Jerk Meat = what exactly IS Jerk Meat? Beef Jerky? Something else. Anybody want to reach down into my backpack and give me my beef jerky? How about my pants? I've got excellent jerk meat down there for anybody who loves making me HARD What's up with Bitchy Swans = did you know that a bitchy swan can actually kill a human being. They're really nasty birds when they get pissed off at you. The Young & The Restless = The Young & The Restless, The Young, The Old, Middle Aged & THE Restless Hey You = Who ME Why are paranoid schizophrenics so paranoid? I have a friend of mine by the name of Peggy W. who keeps saying, "Who me?" Country Twang Rap BeatMarylin Monroe = Darylin Dunroe is her brother Hillary Clinton = Killary Clinton & Kill Clinton