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Running is one of the most popular sports in the world, with increases in uptake particularly seen in women wanting to reap the mental as well as physical rewards. Distances run are also increasing. Once upon a time, a woman wouldn't even dream of running more than eight-hundred metres, now thirty percent of marathoners are women, and there are even women participating in events over two-hundred kilometres. Such races require a lot of training, and a lot of training means a lot of time alone with one's thoughts. Running provides us with an opportunity to consider our life, how we got to be where we are, and even who we are.
As I run, I consider the moment, the physical feel, the route, the pace, the environment, and the other runners around me. I consider the demons I had to overcome to reach this point in my life: eating disorders, obesity and weight-loss surgery, severe anxiety, suicidal tendencies, loneliness, and desperation for a breakthrough. I contemplate how I overcame these in order to become a confident, capable, strong athlete with a loving family and home.
RUNNING THOUGHTS is a real-time commentary of what is happening in my head on a particular run. This run came after decades of neglect, abuse, and having it reinforced that I was "too fat" to be loved, "too stupid" to amount to anything and "too worthless" to be valued.