My Life on the Line

"This is a story about love and acceptance. It is a story about honesty and truth, integrity and hope. Ryan O'Callaghan could have kept it to himself, could have given the world a polished look. But instead he offers us all of himself in these pages. By doing so, he will change lives, save lives, and make the path ahead that much smoother for those who bravely follow in his footsteps."

--Congressman Joe Kennedy III"Ryan O'Callaghan's story is so poignant, so real, so human. I truly believe the publication of this book could be (and should be) a seminal moment for many athletes and other people in all walks of life. If an NFL player, cloistered in the manliness of his game, can come out of the closet and tell his story with such purpose, I hope that many others will follow his brave lead. This dramatic story of one athlete's life might be a turning point for football."

--Peter King, NFL analyst, NBC Sports"In this moving and powerful memoir, O'Callaghan details the fear and pain of a lifetime spent hiding one's true self. It's a suspenseful and cathartic look at a man on the edge, whose salvation could only come from admitting his truth and finding acceptance. This book will change the lives of young men and women struggling to come out, and the lives of those around them, who may not know how they're contributing to a loved one's pain and silence. O'Callaghan's brave and honest story is another big step forward in the continued fight for acceptance of LGBTQ people in the world of sports."

--Sarah Spain, ESPN Radio host"My Life on the Line is an intense, heart-wrenching look at the reality of life in the NFL, told with gripping honesty and courage. Everyone, not just those interested in football, should read this book."

--Chris Kluwe, former NFL player, author of Beautifully Unique Sparkleponies: On Myths, Morons, Free Speech, Football, and Assorted AbsurditiesRyan O'Callaghan's plan was always to play football and then, when his career was over, kill himself. Growing up in a politically conservative corner of California, the not-so-subtle messages he heard as a young man from his family and from TV and film routinely equated being gay with disease and death. Letting people in on the darkest secret he kept buried inside was not an option, and it never would be. Better death with a secret than life as a gay man.As a big kid toppling opponents in high school, Ryan never envisioned just how far his football career would take him. He was recruited by the University of California, Berkeley, where he spent five seasons, playing alongside his friend Aaron Rodgers and eventually winning the Morris Trophy. Then it was on to the NFL for stints with the almost-undefeated New England Patriots--where he was tasked with keeping MVP QB Tom Brady on his feet--and the often-defeated Kansas City Chiefs.Bubbling under the surface of Ryan's entire NFL career was a collision course between his secret sexuality and his hidden drug use. When the league caught him smoking pot, he turned to NFL-sanctioned prescription painkillers that quickly sent his life into a tailspin. As injuries mounted and his daily intake of opioids reached a near-lethal level, he wrote his suicide note to his parents and plotted his death.Yet someone had been watching. A member of the Chiefs organization stepped in, recognizing the signs of drug addiction. Ryan reluctantly sought psychological help, and it was there that he revealed his lifelong secret for the very first time. Nearing the twilight of his career, Ryan faced the ultimate decision: end it all, or find out if his family and football friends could ever accept a gay man in their lives.