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Looking back, it seems that tragedies, loneliness and heartbreak have followed me most of my life. There were all too brief moments of joy and happiness forged between the bitter agonies, my cruel fate. The recent death of my beloved son Howard, worse than that, because of suicide, has caused me to reflect back on my life as a constant survivor. There is a saying, truth is stranger than fiction. I share my truth with you, dear reader. I question if the price I have paid for just being alive was worth it all The deaths of my cherished loved ones have destroyed me emotionally. The abusive men in my life crushed my spirit. Joy, for the most part has eluded me, except for what I found in this, my journey within, the journey that brought me more than love.