Me, Me, Me - An Inside Look Into the Fragile Heart of a Self Absorbed Mother

Self absorbed mothers have been part of our society for millions of years. It has enabled writers to pen fairy tales such as Snow white and Cinderella. They are usually portrayed as evil step mothers rather than biological mothers, although biological mothers are just as capable (either in awareness or totally outside their conscious awareness) of abusing and manipulating the minds and hearts of their offspring. As therapists we are well aware of the 'self absorbed' or narcissistic mother and the impact they have on their children's lives which predominantly come out in adulthood. They fill our therapy rooms and keep us in business. Without a doubt they will access therapy at some point in their life usually after several failed relationships or when suffering with anxiety or depression or both. As their story enfolds we learn about the 'hidden' and often covert abuse they have experienced at the hands and minds of the one person, the first person they have learned to trust, the person who gave birth to them and were supposed to nurture and love them unconditionally throughout their lives, their mother. We now live in a society where we see mums continuously on their computers playing angry birds, candy crush or networking on facebook and taking 'selfies' to publish on social media. They are on their mobile phones, I pads and laptops and their children are crying for attention. They say "just a minute honey" which are nice words if they were not giving a covert message to their children that "this black box in front of my face is far more important than you or your emotions right now." Are they all narcissists we may well ask? People who are self absorbed? No I don't think that they are, but what concerns me the most as a therapist and as a mother is 'what about the lack of emotional attachment' that this 'new' behaviour may have on their children, which makes me ask the question are we nurturing children to become narcissists as they develop. All the theorists will tell us how important emotional attachment to our mother is and without it the impact that this may have on the child's life, both in infancy and in adulthood. Is this behaviour breeding more and more narcissists? Children that do not have their emotional needs met so therefore are not able to meet the emotional needs of significant others in relationships and just as importantly their own children's? In this new world of technology it is extremely frightening how distant we are all becoming to our fellow human beings. We communicate by telephone, by social media, by Skype. We splatter our dirty washing all over social network sites watching out for all the 'likes' and getting a quick 'feel good' fix the more that we get. The book has been written to help clients who feel that they may have had a narcissistic parent. It will enable them to gain an understanding of and insight into the heart and mind of a narcissist mother and to develop an insight into the impact that this now has on their relationships in the here and now. It is also a useful resource for therapists to gain further insight into this subject to enable them to work with and support clients that are presenting in a way that they may have lived through this painful experience. I hope it achieves this and more and helps each and every one of you to recover and move on into healthy, mature and loving relationships and break the cycle of generational narcissism to raise healthy and functional children of your own. Linda Mather