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Robert P. Lockwood (you can call him Bob) has asked the same question you've asked dozens of times:
"What the hell am I doing with my life?"
Like you, he has wondered why he does what he does, and why it can be so hard to be the person he wants to be. In the end, it's about wanting happiness. Not three-beer happiness, I-got-a-raise happiness, or the-Steelers-made-the-playoffs happiness, but that quiet contentment that comes from living a good life.