Loose Screws

Yes, I know. It's supposed to be the other way around. I'm supposed to have a few screws loose in the head. And, perhaps I do. After all, divorce can really eat at a guy. Plus, I'm with a certifiable lunatic. Seriously No joke. She's a pathological lying lunatic. Yes, she saved my house from burning down, and she's a damn good electrician, fixing the fried outlet. She's also as hot as Hell. I can take her anywhere and be proud of the fact she's on my arm. I even took her to Easter Sunday dinner, just to save face. Okay, backtrack. Did you read the part of her being a lunatic? Did I also mention I did not have sex with her, yet she's claiming she's pregnant with my kid? My brother, the Sheriff, and my sister-in-law, our town's mayor, are going to kill me if I can't fix this. I'm trying to fix this. It's simply not working in my favor. And, I'm sure it's in their right to castrate me. They say I'm screwing up, royally, ever since the divorce. Yet, my ex-wife is making certain of this, plastering my face across the front page news on a daily basis. Heck I'm making certain of screwing up just by breathing. Therefore, what are a few loose screws? I'm in enough trouble. I might as well make this trouble worth it...and a little bit of fun. The lunatic is certainly game to my woes.