Life, Love and Loss Illustrated: Poems for Humans & Other Semi-Sentient Creatures

Wicked words for wayward souls. Take the road less traveled with this collection of twisted tales about life, unrequited love, growing pains and talking flies. This bonus edition includes the highly acclaimed seminal work "My Poor Dead Opossum." This magnum opus towers above any other poem of the last millennium according to at least one reviewer who may or may not have been imbibing at the time. These sometimes painful poems examine the human condition and the grand unifying theme that underlies everything we do. That one underlying need that we all have from our first moments here on our little space rock. That theme of course is love, whether we embrace it or run from it we can never escape it. Here within these pages we have distilled and extricated from the whole of human existence using the most sensitive scientific instruments available the absolutely most essential electrochemical flatulence available in the known universe. These poems were exhaustively tested on laboratory animals to ensure the safety of you the consumer. Surprisingly, 98% of the puppies used in those studies were not harmed, and 100% found these poems delicious. These studies did conclude that no matter how magnificent the written word or fantastical the image, 2% of puppies will develop gastrointestinal difficulties if you allow them to eat your Kindle e-reader. Not only are you about to begin your journey through nugget after nugget of literary masterpieces, we have included for limited time and at no extra cost the extra spicy sauce in the form of original one-of-a-kind illustrations depicting the splendor of the human imagination in all its glory. These images are in fact so splendiferous that many of our test subjects were observed drooling as they read this book. We did make every effort to wipe off most of the saliva before offering the books for sale. And sorry. On page 157 that isn't saliva and that stain ain't coming out no matter how hard you wipe . . . Give the gift that keeps on giving: Life, Love and Loss Illustrated!

Poetry for the Rest of Us!

Poetry Magazine Monthly raves: "You will laugh louder than that time when your mom farted so hard in church she had to change her panties. You will cry more than when you saw Old Yeller bite the bullet. This is the most awesome Bubonic Chronic . . . oh, "Life, Love and Loss Illustrated"? Yeah man, that sh*t is awesome too!!"

"Poetry is a deal of joy and pain and wonder, with a dash of the dictionary."

~ Khalil Gibran

"Poetry cannot breathe in the scholar's atmosphere."

~ Henry David Thoreau

"Don't write love poems when you're in love. Write them when you're not in love."

~ Richard Hugo

(To take full advantage of the graphical feast that awaits you, it is recommended that you use a format or device which supports full-color. For e-books that means a tablet or computer!)