If We Knew Better

Even pain has a purpose. Heartbreak is a meddlesome, antagonizing, dispiriting state of existence and I wasn't sure if I wanted to live another day in pain. Feelings of hopelessness swallowed me. Dealing with the heartache from my decision was too much, so when those torturous memories surfaced, I drowned them out the only way I knew how. I quickly learned to abuse love the same way it abused me. Vowing to never let another person destroy me the way he had, I spent years after our relationship ended hurting people before they could hurt me. This was my cycle of self-sabotage. Years later, I stared the man who broke my heart in the face and for the first time in my life, I questioned how long can a person function with a shattered spirit? The answer? A lifetime should they choose. No longer willing to pretend, I was finally able to admit that I was not OK. I was discouraged, dissatisfied, dismantled, disingenuous and downright disgusted. Few processes are as demanding, gritty and exhausting as healing. It hurts and it forces you to look at your life and admit that everything is lying in ruins and you have no idea how to clean it up. As devastating as it may feel, for some, healing is having to admit that the destruction that rest at your feet is the aftermath of your own foolishness. Here are the lessons we wish we knew about love and how to heal from the pain of not knowing soon enough. I pray you get what you need