I am fifteen and I do not want to die

The compelling and moving narrative of a young girl caught by the tides of marching armies during the siege of Budapest in 1945.

Told with calm compulsive force, and with an intimacy and maturity that defies the author’s youth, I am fifteen is a poignant coming-of-age memoir, and a remarkable tale of ordinary lives destroyed by war.

Budapest in early 1945: the siege – which was to kill some 40,000 civilians – raged around Christine Arnothy, her family and the various inhabitants of their building. Hiding in cellars, venturing out in a desperate search for food and water only when the noise of battle momentarily receded, they wondered if the Germans from the West or the Russians from the East would be victorious and under which they would fare best.

Praying she would survive, and mourning the loss of some of her fellow refugees, Christine found solace in her writing – in pencil on a small notepad in the cellar – and dreamt of becoming a writer at the end of the war.

Her subsequent adventures include a dramatic escape over the frontier into Austria, to Vienna and freedom (or so she imagined); then the difficult decision to leave her parents in an Allied refugee camp, while she searched for a new life in Paris.