Humpty Dumpty Back on the Wall

Life does not prepare you for losing your mind and there is no guarantee of finding it once you have lost it. The search for my mind and an understanding of why my life had taken such a drastic turn, led me on an investigative journey through my past. Plagued by thoughts of never being whole again, I felt like Humpty Dumpty who fell off the wall. Although I did not have access to the ‘king’s horses’ and the ‘king’s men’, somehow I was ‘put back together again.’ Perhaps even more than medicine and therapy, love, caring, forgiveness, and nonjudgmental encouragement have been great healers and motivators in my life. This love has also enabled me to love, care, forgive, and encourage others. When I was in a place that I, and others, thought to be a place of no return, I found healing from these unlikely healers. Having been blessed to return from that place, I discovered that sometimes, tragedy is a precursor to triumph and brokenness a prerequisite for wholeness. In my darkest hour, the love and support that I received helped me to find my way. One day while seriously contemplating suicide, sitting with my head in my hands crying, I was startled by a tap on my shoulder from my three year-old son.

He patted my shoulder and said, “It’s going to be alright daddy, it’s going to be alright.” Even now, the thought of those words give me a chill, just thinking of how the words of a three-year-old could affect the course of my life. In that moment, a door opened in my mind that allowed me to begin the process of regaining control over my mind and my life. I knew that I did not want to leave him here without a father.