How I Learned to Hate Myself

I was 14 years old when I lost faith in everything. The year was 1998, and I had already been arrested, thrown in the psych ward, put on antipsychotics, and subjected to a bona fide exorcism from my own mother. Sex, drugs, and self-mutilation were the only things keeping me from spinning out of control while I untangled my identity in front of God, my family, and the Lisle Police Department.

How I Learned to Hate Myself isn't just a memoir. It's a case study on the roots of my own trauma. It is catharsis and tears turned to ink. It is a journey through the connections between environment and mental illness, between abuse and self-sabotage, between powerlessness and inner strength.

Sometimes the only way to learn who you are is to lose yourself entirely. This book was written with the hope that whoever stumbles upon it will take my sense of loss and utilize it on their own journey to truth.