God Knows

This book had been in my head for a while now, but I think I somehow knew it wouldn't have had the ending it now will. I'd wondered why I had procrastinated so much but now I know that I actually had the knowing, but it wasn't the right time. I knew that there wasn't a Part 2 to this story. I knew that as I write this page and I am turning 50 next week that I am finally putting the pieces together in this puzzle of my life. I knew I could write it, but I also knew that something was missing and that missing thing that I have come to realise in almost 50 years which is the most important thing you will ever have in your life is SELF WORTH. I realised that even in the depths of our despair, there is always something good to see, not that I ever saw this. It wasn't until my mid 30s after I'd lost my dad to a heart attack when he was 67 that it was the beginning of the breaking and making of my heart. It took a little longer than I thought but it's all been an experience. Some of the greatest songs have been written by people in the depths of their despair and over the years have also been my saviour. Thank you Annie Lennox for your songs. Being an empath, I can feel your pain and I can see how you have risen above your pain over the years. There must be an Angel playing with my heart was one of the first vinyl's I ever bought around 1984 and also Bonnie Tyler's Total eclipse of the heart. I was grounded a lot of the time as a teenager, so I had plenty of time in my room listening to these songs and I'm still listening to them in my room almost 40 years later. These days I'm still grounded but in a more spiritual way. A way I wish I had been shown earlier. I'm going to write about anxiety, depression, narcissism, codependency, attachment and abandonment issues, personality disorder traits, unhealthy coping mechanisms, shame and vulnerability, addictions, twin flames, emotional abuse, jealousy, craziness, affirmations, guilt and forgiveness. To show how the Universe graces us with people to teach us, gives us signs and synchronicities, lessons in life which lead to the very thing that will put ourselves right, giving us peace in our hearts which is SELF WORTH. We've all read quotes and not really given any thought to the meanings of them. I will be adding quotes along the way.