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When a boy dates a real woman he says "she's arrogant and hard to handle": boy, skedaddle Girl, if you're smart but without a solid sense of self you're gonna be gaslighted constantly into the Black Widow Spider. A form of gaslighting is devaluing you after they said you were great. It's a rudder of control: flattery then calling you third rate. His reality is superior to hers--that's the message of a gaslighter--and to make it worse he's miffed at her.