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Samantha struggled with her past. The abuse haunted her in the present. She saw suicide as her future. Samantha's life was a nightmare. She would often see her friends walking with their daddies and felt a pang of jealousy. 'Why can't my life be like that' she cried in her thoughts. Her dad would take every opportunity to touch her. Samantha felt disgusting and hated herself. While the abuse was happening she would focus all her attention on a particular spot on the wall or ceiling, making herself 'go away'. Oh she wished she could really go away. To leave the parents who hated her.One afternoon Samantha was in the house on her own. While looking out of the bedroom window she noticed a blackbird flying to and fro the nest. 'Dad loves those birds' she mused. 'He would be gutted if anything should happen to them' her thoughts continued. 'He would be gutted'.Samantha made her way down the stairs; she very gently and carefully took all six chicks out of the nest. Returning to her bedroom she slowly cut all the birds open with a knife. While she killed the chicks she felt pleased; felt elated; she felt powerful; she was hurting her dad. 'He will be gutted' she relished the thought. After the dreadful deed had been completed she was overwhelmed by shame, and self disgustFor years Steve had spoken to her on many occasions. She could not stand to hear what he had to say. She hated what he was saying. At times she despised him for the things he said. But when she faced death, she knew of only one person to turn to.
