Finding Myself in a Nightmare

A raw, vulnerable account of the trauma inherent in caring for an addict, Finding Myself in a Nightmare: A mother's healing journey through her daughter's addiction is the story of one mother's experience as she woke to the truth, learned to navigate the pain, and realized she had to heal herself from years of self-loathing in order to positively affect her daughter's recovery. Over a period of five years, Judi Turkheimer rode a roller coaster of strong emotion as she breathed in the very real possibility of losing her daughter. There were many days fraught with fear, hopelessness, and anguish. As Judi began to do the hard work of healing, feelings of joy and hope started to come out from the shadows. Through lies and loss, denial and disgust, rehab and relapse, and finally awareness and acceptance, Judi learned that unconditionally loving her daughter necessitated not only tough love, but also self-love. Without loving herself, she knew she was of no use to anyone else. Intended to validate, support, and encourage, Finding Myself in a Nightmare is a story of triumphs, mistakes, pain, discovery, and trust. As Judi takes us into her home and heart, we learn about her biases, her resistance, and her ignorance. Willing to do what was needed to help her child, Judi invites us to accompany her on the journey. Eventually concluding she would be alright, whatever the outcome for her daughter, Judi offers the tips and tools that kept her from going insane. Reminding herself to be grateful, set boundaries, take small steps, and be present in the moment became a full-time job. Finding Myself in a Nightmare is a book about loving an addict, helping an addict, and the search for strength and unconditional love at a soul level. If you love an addict, this book is for you. If you struggle to find love of self, this book is for you. If you want to learn to love unconditionally, this book is for you.