Don't Buy This Book

Don't buy this book. No, seriously. Don't buy this book. Whilst we publishers of this book cannot and do not claim that it is possible for books to be 'cursed', we still advise you not to buy this book. Not that this book is cursed. Nope. Not at all. Even though the last five people who bought a copy of it have vanished mysteriously, leaving behind only a small spatter of blood and a vague smell of brimstone. Still, we advise you not to buy this book. It's a very, very nasty book, full of very horrible stories. Stories like RETURN TO RETURN TO OZ, UNDERCURRENT, OLD HAG, CTHULHU DOESN'T DANCE, BLOOD ORGIES OF THE WHORES OF DRACULA, INSOMNIA, THE ROAD TO KYOTO, and many other terrible tales that will give you sleepless nights. And you want a full night's sleep, don't you? Better off like that. So yeah, don't buy this book. Also, if you're feeling particularly humanitarian, you should know that this book comprises the entire omnibus of the horror writings of Justin MacCormack. So really, you should probably buy the separate books instead. That way the author gets more royalties. Really, he needs another gold-plated swimming pool. So another reason that you shouldn't buy this book. If you need another reason, just know that this book clocks in at 780 pages full of spine-tingling horror, which is far too many for any respectable book. You certainly don't need a book the size of a doorstop, or a small brick. The only conceivable use for such a book would be to put it in a sock and hit people with, and that's really not particularly socially acceptable behavior. Not to mention the curse. Oh wait. No, forget that. No curse here. Look, I'm begging you here. You can't see it, but I'm down on my knees, right here in my office, as I'm typing this to you. Please, why aren't you listening to me? What, you think this is some kind of a joke? I'm desperate here I can feel them... the things from the pages... oh god, I can feel their breath on my neck... please, if you're reading this, I'm begging you, DON'T BUY THIS BOOK