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He disappeared for years. He went away to school and should have called every night, like he said he would. Instead, he disappeared off the face of the earth. Sure, I could have had my dad or any one of the guys in the club look for him, but then I'd have to tell them who he was and who he was to me. I couldn't do that.
Why couldn't I do that? Because he'd left me. Because when he'd left me we'd been sixteen and had promised to love each other forever. I couldn't bear the thought of him being with anyone else and if I didn't look for him or find him then he had just disappeared.
But then he came back. He came back and he wanted to start again where we'd left off. What was I supposed to do? I knew it was pointless to deny him. He was the only man I'd ever cared about. Certainly the only man I'd ever cared enough about to have any sort of relationship with. I knew what I was going to do, but that didn't mean I had to make it easy for him.
I came back. I had always planned on coming back. I had left her behind and missed her every day for nine years. She was the only person in my life that mattered.
In order to be with her, though, there were some loose ends I needed to tie up. Hell, I needed to shred and cut them. I couldn't tell her about them, either. If I did that then she'd know I was a failure.
She already thought I'd failed her, I couldn't let her know I'd failed so many other people as well.
I had a lot to fix with her, but there was no choice for me. She was it. She was the only one that mattered. I would do anything I had to in order for her to forgive me. Anything but walk away.