Conscious Ageing

Just prior to my 80th birthday, I came across this essay written somewhere in my early 50s. First off, I was impressed with my fifty-something self. She was deep and optimistic. Secondly, I experienced a deep thanksgiving that I'm not scuttling along the hallway of a nursing home clutching my daughter's arm, not fully aware of where I am or who she is.

I believe that my fifty-year-old self sowed some powerful seeds that have allowed me to grow into my eighty-year-old self. However, there have been things she couldn't foresee that have altered aspects of herself. When I turned seventy, I had a big party and danced most of the night away. That won't happen at this birthday. In my mid-seventies, I developed some health issues which have changed me. I'm doing well, but I've had to accept that this body is deteriorating. In addition, this country and the world are deteriorating and have become frightening places to live. Many people voted for an amoral person to act as our president. A gang of thugs desecrated our Congress. Climate change is irreversible for the most part. A pandemic swept over this planet and killed thousands and thousands. I lived through the 60s and 70S, witnessed and was a part of great positive changes amidst turmoil, yet we felt that in the end good would triumph. But not so this time, because evil has become the dominant force.