Bernie's Thing: Death Eidolons: Collected Short Stories 2014

He's tall, lanky, flabby and sloppy, and his taste for women is low and vulgar. Bernie has one thing going for him, however, for he is prodigiously endowed as a man and he has a thing for ugly women. They dote and fawn over him and Bernie wallows in it all, much to the disgust and morbid curiosity of his co-workers, who have labeled his penchant for love's baser side "Bernie's Thing". Nobody knows how he does it, but all concede Bernie's success when, once every month, he arrives late at work with a new and noxious female companion hanging from his arm.

Many women will say "size doesn't matter". Bernie knows the truth, as do the countless lonely women he dates in endless rotation. Is quantity superior to quality? What is quality, anyway? All is fair in war and love.