Bald, Brave, and Bloody Beautiful

It was one of those days that stays with you for the rest of your life: 1 November, 2018, the day I found a small lump in my left breast. I'll never forget that moment. I was filled with dread, fear, and worry about what the future held. I had already seen several family members in the past few months be diagnosed with breast cancer, that dreaded disease.

The next day, I was attending a dinner at St George's Hall, Liverpool, an iconic ceremonial building known throughout the world and the first building visitors see as they exit Lime Street station. It's so iconic that it has been used as a backdrop for film locations for numerous international movies in recent years.

I was attending this dinner because I had been nominated for two awards: Employee of the year, a massive honour, and Innovator of the year.

These were two extremely prestigious awards within my place of work, Aintree University Hospital. To say I was overwhelmed would be an understatement but I was truly over the moon for reasons I will go into later in my story.

I won one of the awards: employee of the year. Unbelievable. I was extremely proud and grateful to have been recognised for the hard work I had done over the previous five years within my role as a stroke data and quality co-ordinator. Even better, the award was presented to me by TV chef Simon Rimmer. It was worth it just to get my picture taken with him.

I remember that day so vividly. In getting dressed up, I had gone back to that little girl who loved her frilly dresses, after having lost her as a teenager to football kits and tracksuits. I was determined to shine not just on the outside but also on the inside, and I knew exactly what type of dress I would wear for the evening. It was a gorgeous full-length silver sparkly dress, and I felt a million dollars in it.

When I put on the dress, it took me right back to when I was contestant in Miss Liverpool. The memories of that day were flooding through my mind as I stood looking at myself in the mirror. That night was even better than the beauty pageant. First, I won, and then I got to meet Simon Rimmer, not a bad night, in my opinion.

That was Friday evening. I visited my doctor on the Monday when he confirmed that he was referring me to the breast clinic, as he could feel the lump and knew it needed to be investigated further at the hospital. Ooh no, I thought, this isn't going to be good. I really can't put into words how I felt when I walked out of the doctor's surgery that evening. So many thoughts and emotions were running through my head and I was feeling very scared. We always think the worst when anything like this happens; it's human nature. And that is exactly what I was doing.

From the sky-level high to the depths of despair and fear in just four days- it was one hell of a slope and steep. I hope that this story of my journey will help all those who will come after me on the same terror-ridden trek to full health and back to normal work life and, more importantly, home life which was to become even more painful as my relationship with my partner of sixteen years, broke down. Myself and Peter, who is also the father of my daughter Hollie, separated, after my treatment had finished, although it wasn't easy, it was the right decision for us as a family and Hollie is still the most important person to both of us.