Advanced Binusism for Certified Wosers: A Zen Novel

"The congregation chanted the invocation even louder and faster. The candles quivered, spluttering violently, and the gloom grew steadily thicker and more oppressive. Faster and faster, round and round, the chant rose gradually to a scream, the words blurring into one, like a top spinning out of control. Then suddenly all of the candles flared and died and they were plunged into darkness. There was a deafening screech like a train derailing and a burst of blinding light. The congregation tumbled in panic as one to the ground, where they groped and flailed around over each other, wailing in fear, momentarily stunned and unable to hear or see anything, like a tangled mass of slithering, black eels. After a few minutes, when they regained their senses and struggled to their feet, there, balanced on a stool before them in the centre of the pentagram was the glowing vision of a well-presented, middle-aged man in an immaculately pressed suit, a small microphone on one lapel and a business-like clipboard tucked under one arm, beaming at them all with dazzling, white teeth. 'Hi there ' he said and tapped the microphone lightly with one finger. 'Is this baby on? Awesome. Hey, I think it's fair to say that we all reach a point in life when we look about us and ask ourselves: am I a linner or a woser? And how can I go about changing this?'" ...Alternatively, why not Tune in, Turn on and Hang Loose. All you need is Advanced Binusism. Definitive, updated Zen version.