A Twisted Mind

A Twisted Mind tells the how to reach the person with dementia, which is the story of my mother's plight with dementia and what caused her to go into this form of dementia. I knew I had to somehow break through that barrier that prohibited her from no longer being the person she had once been. In the year 2000 my sister, Carol, was taken from us at the hands of her foster child. That same year mother lost five members of her immediate family including my dad. The doctor said she went into a form of dementia brought on by extreme trauma. I took mother in to live with me and learned much about this disease, but most important, mother became the child, I became the mother. In the ten years she was in my home I became very close to her and understood much about this disease and what many families had to deal with and I hoped it will enlighten and help others who are facing the same problems with a loved one. There were fun times, stressful times and many loving times. I thought I was losing my mind trying to find the girdles I had hanging on the washer lid, and continued week after week to locate these girdles. I began feeling like a detective in my own home, keeping that "watchful" eye on mother to make sure she was not taking a "likin" to my things. The book covers many humorous sides of mother, losing her purse, taking other's belongings thinking they belonged to her and watching to make sure she was not arrested for being the shop lifter of the year. As I began logging things mother did, and began writing this book, my goal was to get these ideas of help to the readers, regardless of whether I was a known person or a person that had a desire to get the word out. Sometimes I wanted to just scream, "Do you hear me now?" Especially when I would see people visiting parents in a nursing home or rehab losing their patience with the people that had loved them the most. Often we are all caught up in trying technical ways to solve problems, but it can be so simple to just have patience and understanding that brings both joy and happiness to both the parent/child. I found mother was very insecure and I often put my arms around her sweet body, assuring her everything was okay or that we were safe. She double locked the doors at night, even blocking them with chairs to make sure an unwelcome guest would not be coming in. Sun downing was the worst time of the day. Mother would began checking the doors and closing all the curtains throughout the house. I wanted to just hold her and tell her how safe she was with me. Her face was often in a faraway place, one that I wondered if I could reach, but as I cared for her with lots of love and assurance with patience, I knew she felt secure. It made me feel warm inside knowing that she always called me by my name. If she got upset she would just call, Joyce Ann, but most of the time she called me Joyce. She forgot most everyone except Phyllis who helped care for mother while I worked and Kimberly, my daughter. We worked as a team together and mother kept us in laughter most of the time, except when she decided she would slip away and go visiting. Those were the times that were the most stressful to me. Mother was a woman who loved everyone and everyone loved her. She became well known in my little town. Often in Walmart someone would yell, "Hello Ms Emily." Even the local police knew her because of having to help me hunt for her during times she made her "get-away." If you have a loved one suffering from memory loss, I feel this is a source of help, Medicine often can do nothing, but in learning how to cope, it makes for a happier and healthy atmosphere for all. As you read through these pages, you will wonder where the girdles went, how she managed to sneak away and how deeply she loved those who cared for her. It took two years to see her smile again, but I would do it all over again just to have her back.