A Merry Life, and a Short One: Unhelpful Self-Help and Terrible Advice from the Golden Age of Piracy

Thirty-two true tales of corsair counseling, sea-rover psychology, and free advice from freebooters

Feeling down because you're missing your one true love? Why not hide her aboard a pirate ship dressed as a man, then convince the Governor she's actually a runaway noblewoman instead of a moonshiner's daughter? It worked for pirate John Bear

And what if the real Governor runs for his life because his island has been overrun by pirates? Declare yourself Governor instead, of course Strut around like you own the place, let everyone know you're in charge, and make it official by giving people receipts when you rob them at sword-point. Pirate Thomas Barrow did

Want more questionable guidance from the world's most unlikely therapists? Look inside to find genuine adventures and misadventures from the Golden Age of Piracy, learn a few new pirate facts, and get life coaching from Benjamin Hornigold, Stede Bonnet, Charles Vane, and more.

Let's be clear: pirates were neither Robin Hood nor chivalrous liberators nor lovable rogues. They were at best thieves and scoundrels, and too often murderers, slavers, and worse. Of all the questionable advice you're about to receive, here's the best you're likely to get: don't try any of these at home Or at sea, if you're so inclined. Of course, if you somehow acquire a time machine and find yourself aboard ship in the early 18th century, give it a whirl You'll fit right in. As pirate William Fly probably thought but never said, "There's a noose for that."

Pirates unlucky enough to be caught may face trial, and would be harangued by merchants seeking revenge, judges eager for justice, and ministers hoping to save a soul. They might not have had any good advice for the doomed pirates (though pirates awaiting execution sometimes had choice advice for their captors), but with luck - and possibly rum - perhaps our reader might find a nugget of wisdom among the fool's gold inside.