Trapped Inside an Anxious Mind and My Journey Out

Growing up in a house where domestic violence occurs is terrifying. It is devastating for the victim and also for the children who witness it. I felt unsafe and alone inside my house and outside in the world most of the time. Traumatic events affect people in different ways - I struggled with fear and critical self-talk. My anxiety and nervousness later led to medicating with alcohol and desperately needing validation from others. Turning into a people-pleaser to avoid harm was not a wise thing to do. Rather than protect me, often times, it put me in regrettable situations. When this happened, I would say to myself, "How could a nice girl like me behave in such a terrible manner?" I began hating myself. I began having panic attacks when I was a teenager...I couldn't breathe and gasped for air. Trauma produced the "perfect storm" to experience relationship problems, which included a fear of intimacy and commitment. It also produced insecurity and a huge need for connection. I believe I was born to be anxious. I think recovery is about recovering whatever has been lost through trauma, abuse, addiction or neglect.